RAP IS FUNNY

Is this one of those photos that keeps zooming in to reveal...

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 08:37:42 -0400

Is this one of those photos that keeps zooming in to reveal itself again and again, like when you look at yourself in two mirrors?

Ice Cube & Common To Star In Are We There Yet? Sequel Titled Are We Still Going On About This?

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:24:52 -0400

from here:

The news may come as a surprise, as the two rappers are onetime rivals, when a war of words escalated to the point that Louis Farrakhan arranged a meeting to urge Cube and Common to resolve their differences.

A surprise? You mean to tell me two successful black rappers/actors might possibly film a movie together? I must have dreamt Soul Plane (and, oh please God, tell me that I did dream it and that it didn’t actually happen).

How long has it been since this completely unnecessary beef went down in the 90s? How many years does it take to get from the 90s to now? Does anyone know?

When was the last time you thought about the Common/Ice Cube beef? I’m guessing it was when you first heard The Bitch In Yoo and wondered which Korean had gotten Common’s panties all in a tizzied bunch (it couldn’t have been Richard Yoo, legal counsel to George W. Bush, because that hadn’t happened yet). Am I right?

I don’t know, maybe the beef was way more intense than I remember it. I know Farrakhan had to step in but I always looked at that as more an attempt by Farrakhan to get Ice Cube and Common to collaborate with him on a new St. Ides commercial track. It took me years to figure out that Farrakhan only drinks alcohol when no one is around to see him.

Here are a couple more things that are just as surprising:

1) Dustin Diamond not showing up for the People Magazine SBtB reunion cover shoot.

2) Dustin Diamond going bankrupt in 2001.

3) Everyone in the cast of SBtB going on to have respectful careers except for Dustin Diamond (and I’m including Elizabeth Berkley).

Where’s Wyclef’s nametag? P.S. In all seriousness,...

Fri, 02 Jul 2010 05:00:00 -0400

Where’s Wyclef’s nametag?

P.S. In all seriousness, props to Immortal Technique (and the rest) for sacrificing

The Diplomats, seen here at their day jobs as The Foremen - they...

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 08:00:00 -0400

The Diplomats, seen here at their day jobs as The Foremen - they are on the building site for the Kanye West 9/11 Remembrance Cafe & Casino, located at Ground Zero in New York.

SOMETIMES, RAP ISN'T FUNNY

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 13:48:00 -0400

RIP RAMELLZEE

JAY-Z LAWSUIT WATCH: JAY JETTING ON BILLS?

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 08:00:00 -0400

from here:

TMZ.com reports that Jay-Z only paid Air Platinum Holding for 37 hours of service on one of its private jets. Leaving Jay-Z with a total of $137,485.00 owed for the remaining 18 hours (that amount also includes international fees, taxes, and more).

I think if you were able to go back in time and tell Jay-Z that one day he would be getting sued by a private jet company that he would’ve told you, “Yeah, I can see that,” because let’s be honest. If there is time travel right now the technology is super new and you would probably only be able to go back a few years and Jay-Z would still be super rich and famous. It would take years and years for the technology to be advanced enough for you to go back far enough in time to blow his mind.

THREE 6 MAFIA LESS IRRELEVANT THAN OWN HALF-BROTHER

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 08:31:35 -0400

from here:

Although the Academy Award-winning Three 6 Mafia has no ties in the matter, reports indicate that among the murders Craig Petties allegedy committed, one was a member of the underground Rap group, The Grenade Posse. The murder reportedly stemmed from a group member boasting of rival drug dealings.

Either HipHopDX.com is reaching for hip hop related news or Three 6 Mafia is so uninteresting that a half-brother is getting more attention than they are. I love the above quote that reads like a press release. That would be pretty awesome though. Their manager is so anxious to get someone talking about his artists that he starts releasing press announcements about family members.

Here’s a collection of possible press releases that Three 6 Mafia’s manager could release to get people talking about them again:

DJ PAUL’S (OF THREE 6 MAFIA) SISTER TO WED WEBSTER PARCELL

THREE 6 MAFIA ARGUED ABOUT BY SON OF JUICY J OVER HIGH SCHOOL LUNCH PERIOD

THREE 6 MAFIA RELATIVE NOT SURE HOW HE’S RELATED TO THREE 6 MAFIA

Hey, check out my new voicemail greeting I made for my new...

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 05:00:00 -0400

Hey, check out my new voicemail greeting I made for my new phone. All I used was the Mouse Voice effect.

I wonder if there are any other rappers I can impersonate really easy without doing any of the hard work?

No post today so here’s a picture of some true life...

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:56:03 -0400

No post today so here’s a picture of some true life ballerz that made some ice cream their bitch

HERE IS SOME RAP STUFF THAT IS ACTUALLY FUNNY AND NOT SOME DUMB...

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 06:46:00 -0400

HERE IS SOME RAP STUFF THAT IS ACTUALLY FUNNY AND NOT SOME DUMB IRONIC THING I’VE WRITTEN

This must be what it’s like when you enter heaven - Fab...

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 09:39:08 -0400

This must be what it’s like when you enter heaven - Fab Five Freddy surrounded by the whitest light you’ve ever seen!

MASHUP REQUEST

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 05:00:00 -0400

Heavy D & The Boyz - Moneyearnin’ Mount Vernon

Toe Jam & Earl Theme Song

IN OTHER UNINTERESTING NEWS

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 07:43:20 -0400

from here:

The controversy surrounding the Queen Bee and the Barbie began when Kim addressed Minaj’s style and music in a interview with Kendra G, saying, “…if you’re gonna swagger jack somebody and take their style, at least pay the respect and the homage.”

I’ve never been more uninterested in anything than this bit of news. You’ve got Puffy talking about a new album and Lil’ Kim claiming that Nicki Minaj is biting her style (which basically amounts to two people dressing like each other).

When Biggie died, it was a tragic, tragic moment, but there was a shiny little bit of hope there that his death would mean that we wouldn’t have to hear from Lil’ Kim and Puffy anymore. I guess we were wrong. Who has to die to get rid of these people??

CALLING ALL FOODIE RAPPERS

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 10:26:56 -0400

from here:

Help me write a funny rap?

ok i want to write a really funny rap song but i want it to make since ive been trying to write 1 all night but i couldn’t think of and don’t want the rap to have any bad words in it and i want it to sound original so please help me some lyrics would be great

Additional Details

i dont want it to be about my life i want it to be about something random like food

This girl needs help! She’s trying to write a rap and although it’s been 2 years since she requested it there’s gotta be someone out there that can ghostwrite this girl a song. Skillz? Where you at!?

Here’s my contribution:

Beans, Beans, they’re good for your heart
The more you eat ‘em, the more you fart (Do a funny dance while making fart sounds)
The more you fart, the better you feel
So eat them beans at every meal! (Tell someone about the benefits of an all bean diet)

DRAKE'S A TRUE HEAD, LEAVE HIM ALONE!

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:42:56 -0400

from here:

“I used to be a real backpack rapper. That was my thing,” he said. “I even say on this album, ‘I’m just trying to kick it like Ali Shaheed and Phife Dawg / Because people really hate when a backpack rapper get rich or start living that life, dog.’”

PEOPLE!! Backpack rapping was his thing! I can remember watching all those behind the scenes Degrassi DVD extras where all of Drake’s cast mates would tease him about his backpack rapping. “Oh, Aubrey! You and your backpack rapping. You’re so funny!”

How many ways can Drake prove to you that he is a real backpack rapper?? How about in a song? Would that prove it to you? How about if he namedropped some Native Tongue members? You know, the guys that started the backpack movement? Now do you believe him?

“‘Find Your Love’ is the first time I’ve ever done something for the mainstream. ‘Successful’ is a Hip Hop record. ‘Best I Ever Had’ is a real hip-hop record. It’s a sample with some gritty drums. I’m rapping on there. It’s not a Pop record. Coin me as mainstream or Pop, man, I make real Hip Hop records.”

A Tribe Called Quest fan? CHECK. Sample and gritty drums? DOUBLE CHECK. Rapping? OMGCHECK!

“That’s one of the things that gets under my skin: when people say I’m not ‘doing it for Hip Hop,’” he added. ”Or that I’m not ‘as Hip Hop’ as so-and-so. ‘Cause there’s a lot of new kids that are coming out that are dope. Everybody makes it feel like they’re so much doper than me.”

I’ve got some advice for you Drake: IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE TWEAT THEN GET OUT OF THE TWITCHEN! You don’t have to prove to anyone that you’re a true head by namechecking hits by respected hip hop groups. Who cares what people think about you right? Just as long as you know that you are “real” inside, it doesn’t matter what they say. They can’t see inside you. They don’t know that you got a little backpack surgically implanted on your heart.

BUT I DO.

THE TOP SIX COMMENTS ON HIPHOPDX.COM'S KANYE WEST STOLEN PORSCHE COVERAGE

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:18:00 -0400

found here

6. NIGGAS STILL DONT EVEN KNO THEY STILL DONT EVEN KNO THEY GOT IT RIGHT HERE BUT THEY DON EVEN KNO. KANYE IS GOING TO LEAVE JAY-Z FOR LADY GAGA END NIGGAS DON EVEN KNO CAUSE SHE AND HIM AINT EVEN IN ILLUMINUTTY AND WANT NUTTYIN TO DO WITH IT SO DETOX WONT COME OUT CAUSE IT WONT HAVE KANYE BUT THEY NEED KANYE TO BECOME A LEVEL 10 ILLUMINATI MEMBER BUT WHAT THEY DONT KNOW ALREADY IS DRAKE ISSSS THE PROPHECY
-NIGGAS DONT EVEN KNO

I love a good conspiracy theory as much as anyone and it’s about time someone blew the lid off the Kanye and Lady GaGa relationship (and I’m glad he’s finally leaving that tyrant Jay-Z - he was no good for him - NO SCRUBS - RIP TLC).

5. Ha!Ha! He had it coming, that’s what happens when you cross the white man!
-DIRTYJERZY

These people hired 3 dudes to steal Kanye’s Porsche and then crash it into a mansion in Hawaii. People, how many times do I (and DIRTYJERZY) have to say it? DON’T MESS WITH WHITE PEOPLE.

4. Either george bush or taylor swift sent a hit out 4 Kanye’s head..lol see what 808’s & heartbreak get’s u..lol if he start rapping again maybe people wouldn’t hate so much.
-NAS ESCO

There’s only two people possible of orchestrating something of this magnitude:

1. George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States, and
2. Taylor Swift, a nice lady with timid dreams.

3. (In response to NAS ESCO) All funny except that last part…too typical
-G’

I agree, it was all funny until you got to the part that was super typical of hip hop blog commenters. I mean, it’s enough that we deal with unoriginality in our music and when it starts creeping into our trolling, I think that’s the end. Is Hip Hop dead? If not, it’s definitely hurting. Thanks NAS ESCO for killing our culture.

2. oh snap. I didn’t know Kanye rolled a ride like that.
-RACHAEL5922

OH SCHNOT! KANYE BE A RICH MUTHAF*CKA!

1. GREAT, now this nigga will rap about it!
-MIKEVERS

HAHA! Nothing to add here.

SORRY

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:55:56 -0400

Sorry for the post-less day everyone (you and you). I spent my day trying to get one of those new Eye Fones 4. Annoyin’, idn’t?

Note to Skee-Lo

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 17:03:00 -0400

Speaking of Skee-Lo, if you’re going to call something “street” you really need to tell your producer what that means. Here’s a remix of “I Wish” from his CD labelled the “Street Mix:”

That is definitely not a “street mix.” If anything, it’s the Doogie Howser mix. Here’s another way to say it: If that’s the street mix, then this is the “Hardcore Mix:”

Note to Heather B

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 13:05:54 -0400

“You can’t touch me, even if your touch is Midas.”

According to the song “Sendin’ ‘Em Back” by Heather B, she is so beyond other MCs that they couldn’t touch her, even if they had the touch of Midas. Sorry to break this to you B, but I think you’ve got the story wrong. King Midas wished to have his touch turn everything into gold so that he could be rich. Of course, that was really a curse because he couldn’t eat or even hug his family or anything because they would turn to gold. But what you’re rhyme is saying is that Midas wished to have the power just to touch, period.

I, King Midas, wish that I could touch and touch forever more! I want to be the King of All Touching!

But, of course, that’s not quite correct. I know what you were going for but you just missed the mark.

So who came first?

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 12:45:51 -0400

It’s probably not even fair to bring this up because of the difference in skill between the two, but boy do they sound alike. I’ve heard plenty of freestyles from Ahmad to know that he is one freakin’ talented MC and I’ve heard Skee-Lo rap a burger commercial so… there’s that. I don’t know what circles these two ran in so I can’t make any biter claims.

Wikipedia says that Skee-Lo was active starting in ‘92 and Ahmad in ‘93, but Back in the Day came out in ‘94 and I Wish in ‘95. So who came first?

I gotta be honest, I can’t be bothered to look any further than their Wikipedia pages so I’m just going to assume that there’s nothing out on the net about their back stories so we’re pretty much left to baseless accusations.

And, of course, I’m fine with that, aren’t you? Here’s a fake interview I did with them about it.

RAP IS FUNNY: I have here with me Ahmad and Skee-Lo, both one-hit wonders from the mid-nineties and we are going to settle the score once and for all. Who was the first to use the rap style we hear on Skee-Lo’s “I Wish” and Ahmad’s “Ahmad?”

AHMAD: Well, I think it’s obvious. It was me.

SKEE-LO: That’s bullcrap. Did you see my Wikipedia page? It says I’ve been active since ‘92 and yours says ‘93.

RIF: What do you have to say about that Ahmad?

AHMAD: I say it’s Wikipedia, what do you expect?

S-LO: I expect that people will see the truth that I was first.

AHMAD: The truth is, I’ve been making music since I was a young buck, how about you?

S-LO: That’s beside the point.

RIF: I don’t think it is, when did you start making music Skee?

S-LO: Well, I first heard rap music during a Quincy Jones Earth Day special, but like I said, that’s beside the point.

(door opens and someone walks in)

RIF: Excuse me, we’re doing an interview here.

RIF: Oh frick! It’s my man Brian Green coming in from the back, all the way from ‘96, to say what’s up?

BRIAN GREEN: I am the originator of that style! I’m been doing the whole Ahmad thing since early ‘95.

RIF: Wait, what do you mean?

BG: I’ve been jockin’ Ahmad since before Skee-Lo ever did it.

RIF: Okay. So you’re not saying that you were the first to do this style. You’re actually saying that you were the first to steal Ahmad’s style.

BG: That’s right and this fool Skee-Lo thinks he can try to take my steez.

S-LO: We can battle right now and settle this.

BG: I don’t battle without a beat.

S-LO: I brought one for us to rhyme on. Play that beat.

(instrumental for “Back in the Day [Jeep Mix]” starts and both BG and S-Lo start rapping the “Back in the Day” lyrics)

AHMAD: (Sigh)

RIF: There you have it folks.

AFTER INTERVIEW THOUGHTS

This was a very revealing interview and I gotta say after it all went down I had to reassess my feelings on the situation. This was one of the most important interviews I’ve ever had to do and it really gave me a new outlook on life. I will never look at one-hit wonders in the same light. We all have souls and emotions and that includes those that fell off after 3 minutes of music.

AFTER FAKE AFTER INTERVIEW THOUGHTS

This may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever committed to digital paper. Sorry to you all and an extra sorry goes to Ahmad, who didn’t fall off and is a really great MC.

Peace to the other two as well, I guess.